some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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