I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
