mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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