I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
