i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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