Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
