you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize