Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
