come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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