I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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