there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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