Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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