We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
