I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
