why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
