Will you blow on my dice?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
