When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
