Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
