I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
