READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
