If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
