I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
