trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
