Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
