It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
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