Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
well, you know. whores of a feather.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
