Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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