I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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