I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
