You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just googled if crying burns calories
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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