Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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