im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize