I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
