I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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