one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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