we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
