anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
