Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
