i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
