if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
