I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
