Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
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