glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
