Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
