She is in my trunk
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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