FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
