I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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