I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
