yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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