Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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