shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
