I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
We are two peas in an std pod
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
