He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Randomize
