I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
