Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
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