I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
