Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
