i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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