At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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