I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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