I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
