i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
