If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
