I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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