having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
