Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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