porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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