I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
