Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
