based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
