I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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