Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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