You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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