there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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